Read Song: Grow as We Go By Ben Platt
Warning: This is a rant. Half of the sentences are disjointed with no meaning whatsoever.
I've always thought I was lost. Like something is missing. You know, everyone else had it all figured out, not me.
Growing up I swear I was one of the brightest kids😂 but I never pushed to be the best. I was happy just being smart without effort. I never cared about grades, still don't.
I was happy with being mediocre. But what if I can be more?
Who am I? Who are you? What are we? (pls don't say just friends 😔). I've always thought of myself as inferior, someone who shouldn't voice out how she feels cause I do have stupid feelings. I've always put people's opinions, concerns, and feelings before mine. And no, it wasn't just because I was being considerate(most times I was), I also felt second best.
Most days I get pissed at myself for being too emotional, caring about what people think of me, and ranting off when life becomes shitty(this is a rant I know).
But what if there isn't a real me waiting to be found.
I stopped believing I should find that better me, my present self was that person. I could only strive to be the best for the future based on my experience, and my present decisions because these are the only things that decided who I am.
Although I always wanted to wait till I'm that person before chasing my dreams, getting into a relationship, or spoiling my friends. But Grow As We Go song taught me, we all can grow together and still be great at work, friendship and family.
Whoever I am tomorrow is the same person I am today, I won't push forward my happiness and dreams waiting for someone I already am. So I started doing that.
What have I been doing recently?
I've been going to the gym, more off days than on but baby steps yeah? I've been working on my emotions, it's still shitty but I'm learning a little bit of logic is needed.
I've been trying to voice out my feelings without fear of whosoever 😂 as long as I don't come off as insensitive or disrespectful, opposing views are welcomed as no be beef.
I've been skilling up, working on being a badass developer and writer (this is a shitty piece I know). I have been learning the guitar too but omo 💀.
So finding myself is striving to be a better(and sexier 😉) person while chasing dreams and happiness.
I don’t know if you think you’re lost as I did. But I want you to know, we are all figuring life out and it’s harder now, as life has changed from what it used to be and it is ever-changing. Opinions are changing, people are growing, some are not. Context is been lost in words every now and then. So it’s okay to feel lost, cause everyone is.
If you read up to here, this is my first attempt at a lifestyle journal or public well-edited personal rant space, I'll ranting mostly about me and tech, writing and life in general.
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Here's a quick short intro of myself, I'm a Precious Uzoma Ndubueze, although I'm referred to mostly as Gabby or GabbyPrecious. I'm a software developer and writer who also chases other dreams I'll be sharing with you. I battle with anxiety and the inferiority complex which I'm currently working on(so pardon my lapses). Welcome!
♥️ I can't wait to get on this journey with you. Cheering you on from the back seat, Precious.
Now I want to write too ❤️